AMITA Adventist La Grange Memorial Hospital issued the following announcement on June 5.
Parents have a lot on their minds these days. Sheltering in place during the COVID-19 pandemic has forced us to juggle work and home in new ways, change our diet and exercise patterns, not to mention tend to our own emotional well-being. With so much going on, even the most attentive parent can sometimes lose sight of their kids.
Unfortunately, your kids might be trying to tell you something important — only they’re not using words. Kids express much of how they feel with nonverbal cues that are easily missed. Whether you are dealing with your own kids or someone else’s, use the following breakdown to suss out what those nonverbal cues might mean, and how to respond to them.
"I’m Hungry"
Common Nonverbal Cues
Irritability
Lower tolerance for stressors
Outbursts of anger or tantrums (in younger children)
Lower impulse control
Inability to focus or concentrate
Sleepiness
Poor coordination; makes more mistakes
What to Do
Beyond simply feeding your child then and there, aim to feed your kids at the same time every day. Maintaining a consistent eating schedule for everyone in the home is just as important during lockdown as it is when they’re at school. COVID-19 fears and quarantine measures have upended everyone’s usual routine, but all the changes and unknowns are especially tough for kids to navigate. That’s why they crave consistency. No matter what happens, they’ll at least know what to expect while they’re at home, including at what times they will eat. (Whether they’ll like what they eat is a whole other story!)
"I’m Bored"
Common Nonverbal Cues
Increased silliness (in preteens and younger), i.e., jokes, mockery of others, laughter at nothing, etc.
Irritability, i.e., curt responses to questions, low tolerance for frustration
Anxiety
Increased fidgeting
Increased lethargy
Nail biting, finger tapping, leg bouncing, etc.
Psychosomatic symptoms such as butterflies in stomach or headaches
What to Do
In an age of helicopter parenting and instant access to almost everything through technology, our children can be (and often are) occupied during almost every waking minute of their life. As a result, many children are not used to being alone with themselves and this unfamiliar experience can provoke fear or anxiety.
It’s usually best for parents to focus on normalizing and validating that boredom. Share your own experiences of being bored as a child and talk about how it forced you to get creative and learn about yourself. As Nancy Collier writes in Psychology Today, “The remarkable invitation that boredom offers is the invitation to spend time with, take interest in, or at the very least, learn to tolerate our own company.”
Most importantly, emphasize that they don’t have to do anything to alleviate their boredom. And whatever you do, resist the urge to help them fill the downtime. Have faith in your child’s imagination.
PRO-TIP: Give your child’s unstructured time a clear endpoint. For example, say "I know you’re bored, but we’ll be doing [chores, schoolwork, etc.] in 15 minutes, so make the most of it." This gives your kid permission to be spontaneous while the limited timeframe makes filling it less daunting.
"I’m Overstimulated"
Common Nonverbal Cues
Increased, unprovoked aggression towards others
Silly or impulsive behaviors
Less patience for stressors, people, technology or social situations
Outbursts of anger; temper tantrums
Mood swings
What to Do
Reduce the stimulus, whether by turning off the TV, confiscating devices, lowering the lights, etc. Engage them in a calming mindfulness activity, such as asking them how they’d describe the room they’re in to someone who has never seen it. As you learn which activities wind up your child, you’ll be able to limit those activities going forward.
PRO-TIP: Encourage your child to join you in breathing in slowly through their nose to the count of three, holding it for another three and then slowly releasing the breath through the mouth to the count of three. Repeat three times.
For younger kids, encourage them to imagine smelling their favorite food on the inhale and blowing out birthday candles on the exhale.
"I’m Scared"
Common Nonverbal Cues
Easily startled, “jumpy”
Frustration or anger
Anxious behaviors, i.e., fidgeting, rocking, thumb sucking, nail biting or picking
Poor concentration
What to Do
This can be a tricky line to walk as a parent. You must help them understand that fear is a normal human emotion without accidentally encouraging the specific fear itself. Avoidance of the fear will only increase it by confirming that it is something to be feared. Engaging in behaviors or reactions that validate your child’s fear (i.e., checking for monsters under the bed with a flashlight) will also increase that fear rather than dispel it. The best way to help your child manage fear is to slowly increase their exposure to the trigger, demonstrating their ability to increasingly tolerate it.
You may want to talk to your child about some earlier fears that they’ve successfully overcome. This helps reinforce that they have the power to successfully manage fear with self-soothing behaviors (calming activities that they can do without you). Just as importantly, model the behavior of managing your own fears productively. Tell them about fears you’ve had that you were able to overcome.
"Something Is Bothering Me"
Common Nonverbal Cues
Atypical behaviors
Regressive behaviors (i.e., wetting the bed even after they’ve been potty-trained)
What to Do
You know your child best. If you suspect something is bothering them, it’s best to talk to them in a non-judgmental manner. Let them know that you care about them and are worried about them. If they seem reticent, just let them know that you’re there for them when they feel ready to talk. If they don’t take up this offer and their change in behavior continues or worsens, be more direct but remain non-judgmental. It might also be worthwhile to seek professional guidance from a licensed therapist.
AMITA Health behavioral health providers offer a range of therapeutic services for children. Find a therapist in your area
Signs of Abuse or Neglect
Common Nonverbal Cues
Sudden change in child’s behavior (e.g., appetite, bedwetting)
Sudden change in child’s reactions (e.g., increased fear or startle response)
Unexplained or vaguely explained bruises, marks or broken bones
Apparent pain when sitting
Nightmares
Advanced sexual knowledge for their age
Isolative behaviors, or being excessively shy
Being overly friendly and quick to attach to strangers
Excessively compliant or passive
Very demanding, aggressive behaviors
Emotional and/or learning difficulties
What to Do
If you perceive possible signs of abuse or neglect in a child (yours or someone else’s), the best thing you can do is maintain a caring rapport, asking them how they've been and giving them your full attention.
If the child does disclose any type of abuse or sexual exploitation, do your best to remain calm and listen. Do not interrupt or ask potentially leading questions. Focus on getting just enough information (what, who, where and when was the last time). Do not press the child for more once the initial disclosure is made, as repeated disclosures can be re-traumatizing and introduce what might seem like inconsistencies.
Remember, it is not your responsibility to investigate the abuse, only report it. A trained child welfare team will investigate a credible report in a developmentally appropriate manner (known as the Children's Advocacy Center model), with the goal of having the child engage in only one interview about their abuse, and ensure that the child has access to supportive services such as trauma therapy.
Finally, if a disclosure is made to you, praise the child for their bravery and reassure them that it’s not their fault. Tell them they did the right thing by confiding in you, and that you will talk to people who can help. Contact your local police and/or call the Department of Child & Family Services child abuse/neglect hotline at 800.25.ABUSE.
Original source can be found here.
Source: AMITA Adventist La Grange Memorial Hospital
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